I found the happiest squirrel on campus yesterday. You might wonder how I can make such a bold, definitive claim, and I'd understand your skepticism. There are a lot of squirrels on campus, after all. They're like pigeons in New York City. They're always there. They're part of the landscape and experience.
You're probably also wondering how I know whether a squirrel is happy. That's also a fair question. I mean, squirrels are so squirrely, so even if they are happy, they're still so weirdly fidgety and flighty.
Despite these valid questions, I stand firmly on my claim: I found the happiest squirrel on campus yesterday.
This little guy had found a piece of pizza. He was being actively pursued by another squirrel, who I'd rank in my entirely scientific and not-at-all-arbitrary ranking system as either the second happiest or least happiest squirrel on campus. ("Second happiest" if he caught up with the first squirrel and snagged some pizza. "Least happiest" if he came this close, but fell short of the prize.)
For now, let me tell you what I know for certain:
This is the happiest squirrel on campus.
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