A Parent's Guide to Volume

A Parent's Guide to Volume

  1. Creepy silence
  2. Peaceful silence, like a cotton ball landing on felt 
  3. Light background chatter 
  4. Normal conversation 
  5. Normal conversation with pleasant ambient background noise
  6. Attempted conversation with semi-distracting background noise 
  7. Attempted conversation with raucous background noise 
  8. Two simultaneous attempted, yet unsuccessful, conversations, plus raucous background noise 
  9. Multiple unsuccessful and fragmented conversations, plus familiar background noise, plus disconcerting unknown thudding or screeching 
  10. Keep all components of #9, but add an air horn, a Kidz Bop concert, an intermittent fire alarm, continual whining, and a child who cannot spell anything requesting you to "help" as she painstakingly writes a lengthy story while sitting in an adjacent room.  Bonus points if you're taking a work phone call.

Disclaimer:  Items 2, 3, 4, and 5 are purely fictional categories for parents.

Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash


  1. Hahahaha I cannot stop laughing at the fact that my parents' house still constantly falls into noise categories 7-10 when me and my brother are visiting, even as adults.

    1. It's amazing how we fall back into our old sibling/family roles when reinserted into our childhood homes, isn't it?


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