The Library Bathroom

Besides from lugging home a brimming canvas sack of books and issuing eighteen reminders to share toys at the train table, there's one thing that unifies the trips that my girls and I take to the library:

We never have good bathroom experiences there.

One visit, it's a diaper blow-out with an empty container of baby wipes.  Another day, it's an accident on the floor mere steps from the toilet.

Today, however, everything seemed to be going well.  Before we left our house, Brooke used the bathroom and I changed Kerrington's diaper.  After playing at the library for some time, I proactively ushered them into the restroom again. 

Flawless, I thought.

As I helped Brooke wash her hands, I glanced in Kerrington's direction.  Our eyes momentarily locked.  Without warning, she beelined toward the toilet and plunked a plastic zebra (contraband from the play area, undoubtedly) into the bowl. 

Before I could flinch, she plunged her hand into the toilet, fished out the zebra, and then -- here's where it gets too painful for words -- she licked that zebra.  A full-on, open-mouthed, slobbery, slow motion, extended lick. 

Then my child, my sweet little baby, lowered her hand and smiled at me as toilet water trickled down her chin.

There are no letters to adequately convey the pained noise that I came from my mouth -- some twisted blend of nooooooo! and violent shuddering intermingled with involuntary gagging.

I have nothing more to say about this right now.

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  1. Oh, no every mother's nightmare! I am cringing just reading it. Well, you will have to let us know what illnesses come in toilet water!

  2. OMG! I have no words. Too bad you couldn't have her drink some Lysol! :0)

  3. Yuck. Almost inspires me to tell you a story about a cockroach I saw in the mall, yesterday. But I'm still entirely too traumatized.

  4. Lisa, I thought the very same thing with the Lysol chaser! Ugh...

    Brandee, cockroaches never belong in malls. Nor anywhere else, for that matter.

  5. Ewwww...I just did a full body shudder.

  6. What usually happens in these instances is that later that day when you're serving up some veggies with dinner, that very same child acts like you're trying to poison them. All the while you just want to exclaim "Seriously kid?! You'll drink toilet water (or eat cat food or the contents of your diaper) and yet you find peas disgusting?!"

  7. Yick! My kids act so inappropriately at Schlow that I can't even entertain the trip. Kudos to you for just having bathroom issues!

  8. Oh dear, I think it happens to the best of us.....I found my 4 yr old just today fishing out his Scooby doo and Daphne out of the toilet in our house after he peed in it and didn't flush.....

  9. Hahahaha! That is hilarious! Please keep writing.

  10. I wish i had known you when my kids were small. Some parents don't see the humor in those horrifying booger and poopie moments. mostly i kept my laughter to myself. I should have written a book.

  11. Perhaps you still should write a book!

  12. I am laughing out loud at 1:30am unable to sleep. Thank you!


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