Laws of Parenting

Today I took a good nap. Actually, the word "good" doesn't do justice. It was the type of nap where you drool on your pillow and wake up having a hard time recalling your name and what month it is. Yes, that good. It was only an hour, but it felt like I spent the entire afternoon in a coma. I'm still a little hazy in a satisfying sort of way.

Getting a nap with three children is no small feat. Recently at least one child always seems to be awake or needy at any given point, so timing is crucial.

I theorize that my girls are just following physics, adhering to the principles of the Law of Conservation of Energy where one child always must remain in an awake state to keep the total amount of wakefulness in our household constant over the course of any day. (This happened yesterday, too, just in the form of crying. When one kid simmered down, another began to wail. The crying was neither created nor destroyed, just passed from one child to the next, leading me to believe that physics in real life is just as draining as it was during high school.)

It caused me to think of a few other Laws of Parenting:

If you scrub the kitchen floor, you will have a spill that day (likely in large quantities of something unprecedentedly sticky, like an unset bowl of Jello.)

If you change a baby's diaper and have the diaper open anywhere near his or her foot, that foot will land squarely on top of the diaper in the poop.

If you have a holiday family gathering, at least one child will be sick. Count on it. This one is non-negotiable.

If you are out with your significant other (sans children), you will spend a good portion of your time talking about the children.

If you lift up a couch cushion, you will find small toys and food products that you do not recall ever entering your house in the last few months.

If your two-year-old witnesses you lift the couch cushion, he or she will immediately grab and eat that piece of food you found.

If you have an exasperating day with your child, you will still smile if you watch him or her sleeping that night.

If you wear a white shirt, your child will get tomato sauce on you that day even if you do not eat pizza or spaghetti. You will never know how the child had access to tomato sauce, and they will hold out from telling you.

1 comment

  1. Spoken so truly!!! I like the drooling part !! it feels so good to accomplish that kind of sleep !! Cheers to Robin !!


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