Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Breaking the Silence: Motherhood Confessions

I have a few parenting confessions, things that I occasionally think and do but never articulate -- until now.

Some parents have an issue with Barney.  Although I'm not crazy about him, I never have been exceedingly bothered by his bumbling antics.  It's Dora I don't like.  Her voice.  Her strange almond-shaped head.  The painfully formulaic plot line.  I can't even type about her without wincing.

In lieu of a legitimate bath, on more than one occasion I have wiped down my children's sticky face, hands, and feet with a baby wipe and called it good enough.  A bath can wait until the next day -- when they're dirtier.

It's not unusual for me to save dessert until after the girls go to sleep.

When I'm especially tired, I skip sentences when I'm reading bedtime stories.  I sometimes add my own endings: "And then everyone went to sleep, slept the whole night through without needing to go to the bathroom, and woke up in a good mood at a reasonable hour.  The end."

At random increments, I scour the house for old artwork, cheap plastic toys, and the other miscellaneous junk that only appears in a household with small children.  Once gathered, I unrepentantly toss these things into the trash.  Actually, to be more accurate, I systematically bury them in the trash underneath other garbage.  We don't want those items resurfacing now, do we?

So, what are your confessions?

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6 comments:

  1. We hate Barney AND Dora/Diego. We never watched Barney and got Sophie off the other two by "helping" her to observe that both Dora and Diego couldn't do anything on their own but always had to ask for help. Now she thinks they're dorks.

    I do the same with artwork/toys (especially the McDonalds ones). Burying is key.

    My own confession is that I've convinced Sophie that washing the windows is a special treat, only allowed if she's been very, very good.

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  2. I do the art in the trash thing, too! There's just no way to keep every little thing!!

    My big confession - listening to one of my daughters read is like listening to nails on a chalkboard. She reads & re-reads every line until she gets the inflections just right. I know she is just trying to do a good job, but it makes me crazy!!

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  3. @The Mom Chef I laughed so hard about the window thing!!! SUCH A GREAT IDEA.

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  4. My confession is that I actually LOVE Dora. She makes my daughter want to speak Spanish, encourages her to be adventurous, and keeps her occupied when I want to call a certain Robin Kramer. My husband likes to mimic her tone by requesting our daughter to do things for us: "Can you...hand me...a tissue? Great!"

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  5. I am often the garbage disposal/compost pile/dog for the kids' meals. Sometimes as I think back over what I've eaten that day it will mostly be made up of the boys' leftovers: crusts of grilled cheese sandwiches, wondering noodles that appear on the other side of the table, half-eaten crackers, smushed "handles" of the string cheeses, less-desirable apple chunks whose peels are showing, it's gross but it works, right? Add to that impressive lineup one cup of coffee re-heated 47 times in the microwave and there you have my average daily food intake. The problem is when I start having the audacity to fix myself actual portions. Then I eat, for example, a complete grilled cheese PLUS the other crusts, the squished grape ends, the last drink of the tube of melted yogurt, etc. Tell me I'm not the only one.

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  6. I love these confessions!

    @ Mom Chef -- I agree, that is one perfect strategy!

    @ Carrie -- I *think* I can get over the fact that you're a Dora family. Okay, I'm over it.

    @ Lisa -- I don't yet have children who read aloud to me, but I can imagine the scene you're describing!

    @ Dawn -- no, no, no -- you are not the only one! I think every mom has eaten the scrappy leftovers or cast-offs from her children at some point or another!

    Great comments!

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