Friday, January 28, 2011

Plummeting Language Capabilities (motherhood edition)

I have a thing for words and language.  I revel in precise phrasing, delight in description, and savor the lingering images that a well-crafted sentence can paint in the minds of a reader or listener.

You'd never guess this if you overheard some of the sentences I've uttered to my kids.  Strings of miscellany emerge, punctuated with interruptions and forgetfulness.  Here's a brief sampling of legitimate dialogue from our house today.  Each line would be more sensible if I provided the context, but what's the fun in that? 

Yes, I'm positive that your sister has a mouth.  At least one.

Stop licking the sugar off of your feet.

And today's favorite, delivered with heightened urgency:  Take your head out of the toilet.

I never said these types of things before children.  I had no need.

What have been some of the best lines spoken in your household?

14 comments:

  1. Oh my. . .I totally get this.

    I have said, "Isaac quit digging in your butt" more times than I care (of course 1 time is too much in my world). Another favorite and constant is "Stop drinking the water!" This water that I am referring to is the water that is in the tub, the tub that my 2 1/2 year old son and 16 month old daughter are bathing in that may or may not have been pee'd in multiple times. . . .*sigh* I am right there with you Robin.

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  2. At school I have said "We dont lick walls!" :)

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  3. I have so little awareness of what comes out of my mouth these days that I can't recall a worthy quote from me, but instead I will quote my 4-year-old daughter - and she has many worthy quotes - upon looking into my (tired) eyes one day: "Mum, what are those red cracks in your eyes called?"...another day:"Mum, you've got a bit of old feet, like Grandma."

    Yes, that child of mine really makes me feel attractive.

    I've just found you via The Little Mumma - love what I've read so far and will be back for more!

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  4. Lol! I swear, I can SO relate!! It is like landing on another planet!

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  5. Is that poop or chocolate on your hand?

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  6. I second "Don't drink the bathwater!!"

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  7. as a toddler teacher I often say: "Potty Water, NO NO touch!" and "Don't touch your winkie!" (as in the private part).

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  8. No, Dada's not a pretty lady.

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  9. LMAO! It is so funny when you hear these things come out of your mouth. I once said something like "First eat your dinner and THEN you can put the pillow on the cat." Oy.

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  10. Don't touch your sister's poo!

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  11. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I have had to tell my daughter to get her head out of the toilet! Glad I'm not the only one. :)

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  12. I am often amused at myself when we're out and I tell the kids to finish thier food. "You can't play till you eat some of your fries!" "You have to eat more pizza than that." Yesterday my son asked a legitamite question: "Do I have to sleep when I go to bed?" My husband was mad at this question because it was obviously late and we just told him he was going to bed when we got home - but I thought it made sense - he wanted to know if it was quiet time.

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  13. This was a great post, it made me laugh and I love reading the responses too!

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  14. I am certain that I, too, have said the exact "We don't lick walls" sentence in my house!

    Shavahn, excellent!

    Jill, I think I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall the moment you issued the "finish your dinner, then put the pillow on the cat decree." Wow, that's a winner!

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